10 things I learned from going to the gym

Yes, I have joined a gym... Today was my first time going there, I took a group class and these are the things I have learned (at least the ones I can put in print):

10. They lie. Blatantly. And assume you are completely stupid. When you consider joining, you will be told many, many things that differ from the actual contract. My favorite one? "You have to sign up today if you want the discount because today is the last day of the sale." Really? Then why is it called President's Day Sale? Why should it be over a week before President's Day? Also, they don't really expect you to come after you sign up because then you would see the 10 foot poster advertising the sale that is still miraculously going on after "the last day."

9. Russians already came. There's no hiding from them. They are everywhere, my gym included.

8. When I decided to join, I told myself, "Don't be embarrassed. There's always someone bigger than you." I was wrong.

7. I also thought there would be someone less coordinated. Wrong again.

6. When choosing the type of exercise, priority should be given to Kiegels. Apparently, exercise is also a form of "stress", not just laughing and sneezing.

5. I need to lose 50 pounds just to be able to keep up with the class.

4. Not being able to keep up with the instructor feels OK. Not so when I can't keep up with women in their 50s.

3. Remember #4? Triple that for the 7 month preggie who had more stamina than me. What was she doing there anyway? Shouldn't she be eating for two, not jumping for three? Did she come to embarrass people like me? Does she have Energizer batteries instead of a bun in her oven? Or was she unable to cancel even though pregnant, and came in out of spite to get her monies worth? Something to ponder about while I still can cancel.

2. What's with being located on top of Burger King and across from Starbucks? Thank G-d I keep kosher.

1. The most pleasant experience so far was my combination lock for the gym locker. I got it for my high school gym, haven't used it since, and thirteen years later still remember the combination!!! On the down side, why do I still have it???