Tuesday, June 30, 2009

On wearing big sister's hand-me-downs

Ooh, ooh, new pajamas! Yellow with pink flowers - a bit girly and babyish, but after all that's what I am.

Wait a minute, they look worn! Don't tell me it's another big sister hand-me-down. Ugh, such is my fate. OK, OK, put them on me. These are still preferable to the one I spit on. Careful with those tiny hands; fingers, fingers, phew, disaster avoided.

What do you think you are doing? Stop tickling my tummy. I will not smile, not with those hand-me-down pajamas any way. MOM, stop it! She is not giving up. OK, there, happy now? OMG, she keeps on going; serves me right for encouraging her with my smiles. Goodness, it's finally over. Just snap up those pj's and let's move on.

Hey, what is this? Oh. My. God. There's a hole! There's a hole in my pj's! Why is no one noticing? It's huge! Look, I can stick my entire big toe through it! See? See? Hello, anybody looking at the baby? Looks like I caught their attention! Car seat? They are not taking me to public dressed like THAT! I will not go anywhere unless they change me. I simply refuse. Bwahhhh!

Where am I? I must've dozed off for a bit. Ooph, what a nightmare. It was a nightmare, right? Right???? Nope, big toe is still sticking out. I must've tried to block this out of my memory. They are pointint at my toe, looks like they've finally noticed! Why is he laughing? She's laughing too. They think it's cute! Oh, no, now they'll never change me. Look at those two - I think they have been entertaining themselves with this for hours. They are so easy to please. Let's throw them a bone - I'll wiggle the toe. They are squealing with delight! Let's try again. Wiggle, wiggle - squeal! Wiggle - squeal, wiggle - squeal. This is down right Pavlovian! Parents are so weird.

Ahhh, home sweet home. Where are you going? Aren't you going to change me? Camera? No, no, no, no, no. You are not taking a picture of me looking like that, oh no. She insists. Gotta move so that she won't be able to focus. Move those legs. Bet she regrets teaching me that bicycle move. Move those legs, move those legs, move 'em. My tiny chubby body tires too fast, I can't keep this up for much longer.

Does she ever give up? I must distract her. I got something up my sleeve, well, not per se, but that should catch her attention. There's a reason why they are called explosive diapers. Ugh, flash. I think she got it.

Hope she won't put this on her blog, there must be some decency left in her, right?

Phew, finally changed and in different pajamas. Aren't you going to pick me up? Yes, you are! You are so warm and nice. You are the best! I love you, mom. Yes, that's a real smile, not just gas. I think I am dozing off again...

Sunday, June 28, 2009

Sing for a laughter, sing for a tear

As I was cutting up vegetables for a salad, in walked DS and started munching happily on something. Upon realizing that his mother was softly singing, DS put his little hand on mine, looked straight into my eyes and told the woman who carried him for nine months and subsequently gave birth to him, "Mama, don't do this. Don't sing. I am eating."

And once again, I was left speechless by my child.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

10 Signs your husband is addicted to Home Depot

10. Your husband makes at least 4 trips a week to Home Depot, and he's not a contractor.

x 4

9. When asked why he goes there so often, your husband replies, "Sometimes you want to go where everybody knows your name..."

8. You got an electric drill for your birthday, partially because the first two SubFamily's drills were getting lonely and needed a sibling. Or so he said.

7. A full year after your Lake George vacation, SubHub your husband is still morning and kicking himself for not visiting the local Home Depot. Sometimes he contemplates the four-hour one way drive just to see the one that got away.

6. You have seriously discussed the possibility of direct depositing your paycheck to Home Depot's bank account.

5. Your children, ages 4 and 3, know all the tool names. You and any other normal human being refer to those as "thingy", штучка, загогулинка or simply хрень.

4. When you need to unwind, your husband enthusiastically offers to drive you to Home Depot and genuinely does not understand why this does not appeal to you.

So ***not*** you.

3. Your husband has lobbied your Congressman to add a certain plainer to an Endangered Tools List.

2. You have made a video of Home Depot isles. Upon showing it to him, your husband chokes up, throws himself at you and mumbles through manly tears that you have "never made him happier" and "you finally understand". Your husband then watches the aforementioned video over and over again for relaxation and meditation all the while wiping the aforementioned manly tears. You don't know how to respond because a) it was a gag gift, b) you bore this man three children and would hope that at least one of them made him happier, and c) frankly, you do NOT understand.

1. You overheard him muttering under his breath, "My name is SubHub and I am a Home Depot addict..."

Oops, you just outed them...

Thursday, June 18, 2009

You are stressing me out!

I am in one of those moods today - everything is annoying me. The source for these feeling is obviously coming from work. No one expected me to come back as early as I did even though I came back exactly when I told them when still 7 months pregnant. I shudder at the thought of what would have awaited me had I taken the full three months of maternity leave. I am swamped, actually I am more than swamped - I am drowning in work. I have so many high priority projects - my regular monthly work, which needs to be finished extra early and "taken to the next level" whatever that means, then some IS/Finance joint projects, then bank recs, system upgrade testing, and of course the new and improved tax form - I literally have 5 number 1 priorities, unless I am forgetting something. The fact that having that many "extra high" priorities defeats the purpose of calling them "high" does not deter my bosses from thinking what else they can throw on my lap. So that's the cause of stress which in turn causes me to be annoyed at everything and everyone.

Right now I am annoyed at:

1. the neighbors, who are causing my floor and wall to vibrate,
2. the fact that it's only 9 and I can't even threaten to call the cops on them,
3. it's already 9 and the kids are not asleep yet
4. the baby is very cranky and doesn't let me do anything, in addition to soiling three outfits in the past two hours
5. The house is a complete mess and the shabbat cooking has not even started
6. that I overate because of stress
7. that I am still hormonal 3 months postpartum.
8. the babysitting/end of school year/school vacation situation
9. the fact that I have to pump milk at least 3 times a day to keep up with the demand

And this is only the beginning... I feel bad for SubHub who might just bear the brunt of this mood.

P.S. Please do not remind me to count my blessings. I remember, but sometimes I just need to allow myself to be annoyed.

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Our answer to Chamberlain - Part II

Found this while looking for something else.

The prime purpose of being four is to enjoy being four - of secondary importance is to prepare for being five. ~Jim Trelease, The Read-Aloud Handbook, 1985

You are worried about seeing him spend his early years in doing nothing. What! Is it nothing to be happy? Nothing to skip, play, and run around all day long? Never in his life will he be so busy again. ~Jean-Jacques Rousseau, Emile, 1762

Courtesy of www.quotegarden.com

Our answer to Chamberlain

I asked DS Wednesday night about what he was doing in the playgroup that day. Immediately, his response was, "I slept." After a few seconds of pondering, he added that he ate too.
SW: Anything else?
DS: I ate. I ate chicken. And then I slept.
SW: Was that it?
DS: Yeah.
SW: Did you learn anything?
DS: (blank stare)

Yep, I can see how all this developmental and education stuff is leaving its mark on my son.

Since then I learned that the daycare owner is planning to add some educational program in the afternoon. I am furious and planning to have a serious talk with her. Not my first one on the topic, mind you. Enough already. Given how much impact the morning "leaning" is making, maybe it's time to let kids be kids?

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Whose naise is this any way - Part II

A few weeks into the school year, before I got used to all the names of her classmates, DD and I were talking about school and I heard her say something about "crazy Pollack." Immediately my heart sank. In a matter of seconds, millions of questions were roaming in my mind. Why is this girl called crazy? Where in the first did DD hear such a word? I knew that girls could be cruel, but do they start taunting each other at 4? Why is DD participating in this activity? Did we not teach her better? Are the girls teasing my baby too? Why is the teacher allowing this? OMG, poor Pollack girl!

Something didn't sit right, and I asked DD to repeat the last thing she told me. It went something like, "I want to draw a butterfly like Raizy Pollack."

So who's crazy?

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Whose naise is this any way?

Yesterday DD asked SubHub for your-naise (твоенез). There's my-onaise (майонез, keep in mind, this conversation happened in a mix of Russian and English, I am just doing my best to translate to those who are not as advanced as DD and only speak one language at a time), so why shouldn't there be your-naise? LOL

Monday, June 8, 2009

How do you like THEM apples?

I have received a comment on my last night's post. Moshe complained about $75 emergency room co-pay. Here's my response to his comment.

About three years ago DD's elbow was dislocated. This had happened to her several times before and overall is very common among toddlers. Though not dangerous, it is rather painful. I remember DD sitting on the couch and whimpering while I called every single pediatrician I or my friends could think of at 8.30 pm. No one was in the office or even at home, so we had to go to the emergency room.

It was about 45 minutes from our arrival until we were seen by a triage nurse. She took DD's temperature, brief medical history and asked questions about the incident. She quickly realized that we were right and the only thing DD needed was setting her elbow. She tried to see if the doctor was available so that we wouldn't have to wait in line to get this simple procedure done. Alas he wasn't, so we had to wait another 45 minutes to be seen by the doc.

When we were called in, the doctor took about 5 seconds to set the elbow, then came back 5 minutes later to make sure that DD could raise her arm, told us not to pick her up by her hands (we never did, but he didn't buy it) and were on our way home. All this entertainment for a bargain price of a $50 co-pay.

The shock came in a few weeks later when we received the itemized bill from the hospital. Even though out co-pay was still only (!) $50, our insurance paid much, much more. How much? $1,335. For what? The nurse spent 5 min on our case, that includes the time she tried to locate the doctor. Pediatrician spent literally a minute and a half with us, 30 seconds to set DD's elbow and 1 min giving us so-called advice. No medical equipment of any sort was used (other than thermometer and some gizmo that DD had to reach to show that she could use her hand). No medicine was administered. What exactly cost $1,385?

It took me a long time to figure out, but then it hit me: the hour and a half chair rental in the waiting room!

Oh, and since then our pediatrician showed us how to do this procedure ourselves, which we successfully had done several times after this incident, all in the privacy of our home and completely free.

Sunday, June 7, 2009

Once again on health care

Yet another proof that it's not only irresponsible "it will not happen to me" people who get in financial troubles because of our seriously messed up health care system. Many times it's people with jobs and health insurance. People like me. Again, I am not advocating uprooting the entire system, but something obviously needs to be done.

Thursday, June 4, 2009

What are you looking for?

Seems like we are doing a pretty good job at indoctrinating the kids. While at my parents, DD was watching a cartoon (I remember watching that cartoon when DD's age, LOL) where all the animals brought Rabbit all different kinds of delicious food: nuts, fruits, cakes and pies. DD looked at it and told Mom, "Grandma, this is a beautiful shabbos party."

On another occasion, I was reading the kids the book about Kipper and his flashlight. Both kids looked at the flashlight and asked me, "Is Kipper looking for chametz?"