Monday, December 6, 2010

The home wrecker

Below is a cautionary tale of one woman's quest for health and fitness, her downfall and subsequent conclusion that exercising is evil. (No, wrecking home does not refer to her physically falling and destroying her home because she's so heavy. That's what Burger King is for.)

One of the things I had promised myself this year was to exercise more often. That's when I came across Kathy Kaehler's book on fitness and how to incorporate it into our busy lives. I had no idea who Kathy Kaehler was or that she could wreck my home, but the book was only $2 used, had good reviews and covered topics I was interested in. Apparently Kathy is a personal trainer to many Hollywood stars and regularly appears on the Today show. So if you read this book, follow it religiously, in about 70 years or so you will look like Jennifer Aniston . Or not, but I don't think by then you'll care.

I kind of like the book; it has some interesting, but not groundbreaking ideas. I am still upset that reading the book on fitness doesn't automatically make one fit. Seriously, what's up with that? I paid my $2, where are my buns of steel? But moving on. (By the way, does that count as moving?) The book was written over ten years ago, so I decided to check out whether Kathy has her own website and whether she shares some newer ideas there.

Well, little did I know that this innocent act of satisfying curiosity would ultimately bring my downfall. Of course Kathy has her own website. She is still alive and well, trains celebrities and has a few workouts on her website for the obscure people of the world. Somehow, I ended up clicking on the wrong thing and all of a sudden my computer started BLASTING the message from Kathy about exercise during stressful times. Yeah, I can use some tips on dealing with stressful times. And then it started, the beginning of the end. Turned out stressful time = considering DIVORCE, being in the middle of DIVORCE, being post-DIVORCE, and never been married, but still freaked out about the possibility of DIVORCE. Out of the first 30 words out of Kathy's mouth, 20 must've been DIVORCE. I tried to lower the volume, but wasn't quick enough. SubHub entered the living room, a bit shaken up and freaked out. He didn't say a word, gave me THE LOOK, then turned around and left.

So now, five days later, SubHub is still labeling everything in the house as "mine" and "hers", just in case, and has an emergency bag packed up, also just in case. (Okay, that is a joke. JOKE!) And I learned a very important lesson. Exercising never produces healthy results. Look where it got me, and I only attempted to start!

Thank you Kathy Kaehler for wrecking my home! I will be sure to turn to your exercise videos in my time of "high stress," which might come thanks to you.