Sunday, June 15, 2008

Tissue Massacre

Have you ever woken up and thought/hoped/prayed that you were still dreaming? Today I had just such an experience when I woke up in the middle of the horror movie.

For some inexplicable reason no matter what time we put the kids to bed, one of them wakes up no later than 7.30 and immediately wakes me up. Currently that kid is DS, before it was DD. Now DD likes to sleep in a bit, especially if she went to bed at eleven a bit late. As soon as I saw the ray of hope, DS developed this annoying habit of waking up early.

So today DS woke up around 7.30 and started bothering me with his usual, "Mommy, I want to drink. Mommy I want my car. Mommy I want cereal." I stalled him until 8 and then dragged myself out of bed. Before you call me heartless, here's what I would like to share with you. The little genius figured out my Jewish mother's soft spot, and now every time he wants me to get up he says that he wants cereal. There were countless times I thought that this kid was starving and got up to feed him only to find out he didn't want to eat, but just required my company. Today he actually devoured almost an entire 6oz package of Swiss and made me feel guilty for not feeding him earlier. Sigh, can't win...

I got back to bed leaving him with something to drink and Lego. Ten minutes later he was at my bed asking for cereal again. Ugh... I wished he would wake up DD and she would play with him. But she was still sleeping, and I am not heartless enough to deprive my child of her sleep so that I could catch up on my zzz's. Keeping a kid hungry? Yes. Refusing to spend time with them? Yes, but not depriving them of their sleep. I don't remember what happened between then and 9 am, I think DS climbed into bed with me and nursed. Actually I am pretty sure of it. The only reason I got out of bed was because 45 minutes of nursing a 2 year old got a bit (snort) uncomfortable and hardly worth what I got back for it: semi-awake semi-sleeping state that makes me even more tired and grumpy than no sleep at all.

DD was already up and was playing with Lego. This time DS actually wanted cereal, so I gave the kids cereal and went back to bed for half hour only. Next thing I knew kids were jumping on SubHub's bed and messing with blinds on the window. Ugh! Would I ever get ANY sleep in this house (the fact that I am blogging at 1.40 am should not be used against me...). I looked at the clock and realized that it was actually 10.15, and somewhere in the back of my mind I had a feeling that Hub would be home early, how early I didn't remember. I jumped out of bed and immediately got the explanation of why I was left alone for one full hour. That's when I wished that what I saw were a mere nightmare. Soon I came to the realization that it wasn't: a) it was day time and b) I was actually awake.

If it weren't shabbat, I would have taken pictures for the blog. Our bedroom floor was almost entirely covered in Kleenex tissues. The empty box, only few short hours ago 3/4 full, lay on the floor. What horrors did it witness? Only God knows. If that was the worst, I could handle it, but deep inside I knew it wasn't all. As I was reciting the mantra "at least I got some sleep, at least I got some sleep" I walked into a pile, no a mountain of clothes in the hallway. I don't know how many drawers have been empties to make this mount Everdress, but everything was there: my clothes, kids summer clothes, kids winter clothes, their baby clothes, their socks and underwear and a few towels of top. AND some tissues. In the kids' bedroom, there was a little chair next to the dresser and its open drawers (Ohhh, so cute, he is so smart!...and looking at the pile...and SO EVIL!) More socks and underwear mixed with tissues were spread on the floor. I forgot all about the mantra and was screaming, "What had happened here?" Kids got very scared and reacted by jumping into the pile of clothes and rolling in it like pigs in dirt all the while violently giggling.

I went into the kitchen and saw cereal and milk spilled all over the kitchen floor, one of the chairs and the table. And more tissues. Ugh... What's with the tissues? And then I went into the living room and saw the usual suspects there: Lego and books all over the floor. And then I saw something that made me really lose it, and by far it wasn't the worst offender on the list. "WHY ARE THERE TISSUES ON THE FLOOR OF THE LIVING ROOM?! AND EVERY ROOM OF THE HOUSE? WHY? WHY? WHY???!!!!!!!!!"

Normally I would just have a cup of coffee to calm me down, but somewhere the self-preservation and the desire to protect my young instincts kicked in and I actually started cleaning first. Because if SubHub saw this, he probably would've lost it too. After half of the clothes pile, which couldn't even be sorted properly on Shabbat, was put away, I calmed down a bit, i.e. was only plainly yelling and not raging like a lunatic that I am . When I asked who had done which damage, DD pointed a finger at her brother, and DS, who had recently learned the same trick, did the same. ( Only this time he actually pronounced her name correctly! For the first time! I only wish it would've been a better set of circumstances.) With both of them blaming each other and me not actually being there, all three scenarios (only DS, only DD, or both messed up the house) seemed plausible, so I had no one I could punish with clear conscience. (I know, I know, punishment should be for the benefit of the kids, to teach them something, yada, yada, yada. All the perfectionists living in the perfect world can go back to their unicorns now...) So I poured all my anger into cleaning up.

As soon as I was done, and it was not soon, I made myself coffee. But before I had a chance to drink it, SubHub was home. He actually expressed his excitement about the house being particularly orderly... Ugh... Wait till you need to wipe your nose, mister. Then I will have a story to tell you... And I grounded myself until the end of the century. I am just too embarrassed to face the neighbors. Hope our loud air conditioner muffled at least some of my screaming...

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