8 Things I would like to tell our auditors

I remember being a newbie auditor and a sense of terror I felt at my first few audits. That sense of terror was quickly replaced with being constantly overwhelmed by the amount of work and manager's questions and comments. That's why I am very surprised at how annoyed I am with our auditors this season. Let's make this clear - few companies like being audited, and we are no exception. Audit always generates extra work for everyone involved. It is a normal part of the job, however, and everyone tries to get through it with a sense of humor and in good spirits. This year, though, we have been blessed with a particularly "talented" bunch; everyone on the floor is grinding teeth. Hence this post...


1. Know your schedules. And their names. If accrued expense in not the schedule of vouchers paid during the year, that's because it DOESN'T BELONG THERE.

2. You are at a client. I don't know what the latest copy of In Style magazine says, but skirt (or pants) is not optional.

3. I can't prove to you that our subsidiaries don't have separate payroll accounts. The same way I cannot prove to you that dragons don't exist. You'll just have to take my word for it. AND REVIEW YOUR PAYROLL TESTING. You know, the testing you have already completed.

4. I don't care what your lead sheet says and why. You deal with your working papers, okay? and leave me out of it.

5. Whether the column is included in the total can be resolved by a simple arithmetic > the procedure involved while footing this schedule > the procedure you have already performed as part of your testing > the procedure that requires zero accounting background.

6. I don't care if you were a member of Beta Alpha Psi in college. If you can't find a balance on the bank statement, maybe accounting isn't for you.

7. I don't begrudge you stupid questions. I begrudge you the know-it-all attitude while asking them.

8. How many times can you ask the same stupid question? Please don't answer.