It's already past DS's bedtime and we are trying to fit comfortably on his twin bed. When finally all the technical difficulties of sharing a small pillow and a child-size blanket with his quite overweight mother have been resolved, DS resorts to his usual, "Mom, tell me a story." I have been in a horizontal position for only few seconds, but already feel my eyelids getting heavy. I search the brain for a story, any story, but it has shut down for the day. DS doesn't give in. I can barely turn my tongue, but resistance is futile. Hmmm.... Space, the final frontier, Captain Jean Luc Picard... "Mommy, my story!" jolts me from my half-asleep half-awake state. And so I start.
"Once upon a time there lived a little boy, just like you, whose name was - surprise - DS! Once he decided that he no longer wanted to fall asleep alone and started asking his Mommy to lie down next to him. Mommy didn't like it much, but she loved her little boy and agreed. Then the little boy would ask Mommy to tell him a story. And Mommy usually would tell him a story, about kings and princes, and two best friends Baby Penguin and Baby Sea Lion, or about an Old Man and his Golden Fish. But that night Mommy was soooo tired, she couldn't think of any story and asked DS if he could fall asleep without one. And DS, being a nice and considerate boy, who took commandment of honoring his parents very seriously, happily agreed. End of story."
DS: This is a fake story!
SW: Why do you say it's fake?
DS: Because it is about me. I want a real story! (I'll let you ponder on the irony of that statement.)
SW: Tomorrow.
DS: Today.
SW: Tomorrow.
DS is also wiped, so he gives up and we both drift off to sleep. Well, don't know about him, but I am gone before I finish saying"tomorrow," but after thinking "Real, huh? Because friendship between baby penguin and baby sea lion is soooo real. Just watch some National Geographic."
Monday, June 11, 2012
Friday, April 20, 2012
Beware of dieting cults
SW: I am always forgetting your apartment number.
Dad: Ah, just ring any bell. No one here asks, they just open the door for anyone who rings. Always letting these cult people enter the building and knock on your door to proselytize.
SW: Cult people?
Dad: Yeah, just last night had to explain two gentlemen from Weight Watchers that we are not interested in their literature. Thought they would never leave.
SW: Weight Watchers???
Dad: (mistaking my incredulity for religiously motivated outrage) Yes, from Weight Watchers!
SW: You mean, Watch Tower?
Dad: Weight Watchers, Watch Tower, they are all the same.
Dad, you thought you were joking, but, as the saying goes, there's a grain of truth in any joke.
Dad: Ah, just ring any bell. No one here asks, they just open the door for anyone who rings. Always letting these cult people enter the building and knock on your door to proselytize.
SW: Cult people?
Dad: Yeah, just last night had to explain two gentlemen from Weight Watchers that we are not interested in their literature. Thought they would never leave.
SW: Weight Watchers???
Dad: (mistaking my incredulity for religiously motivated outrage) Yes, from Weight Watchers!
SW: You mean, Watch Tower?
Dad: Weight Watchers, Watch Tower, they are all the same.
Dad, you thought you were joking, but, as the saying goes, there's a grain of truth in any joke.
Sunday, March 25, 2012
On flings and long term relationships...
This past Sabbath:
SubWife: Why don't you come with us to the playground? It's a nice day.
SubHub: I would rather not.
SW: Oh, c'mon.
SH: Nah.
SW: Okay then.
SH: Just don't come back too late. I have to be at SubHubFriend's at 5.30.
SW: Isn't he like half hour away?
SH: Well, he's giving a class on Passover and would be glad if I came.
SW: So let me get this straight (no pun intended). You are willing to walk half hour each way not to disappoint SHF, but not afraid to disappoint your wife and children by not going with us to the playground?
SH: SHF knows it's a one-time thing. With you, it's a bigger commitment - if I go once, I will have to go every time.
SW: Does SHF know it's a one-time affair? He might expect more and you'll have to decide between walking there weekly or breaking the man's heart.
SH: I didn't think of it this way.
SW: I see. Well, I am taking the baby with me, so you can leave any time. I don't want to stand in the way of your and SHF's happiness.
Happy to report that SubHub decided not to break any hearts and instead chose a nap, to nourish his well-established relationship with his pillows. The man gets around.
SubWife: Why don't you come with us to the playground? It's a nice day.
SubHub: I would rather not.
SW: Oh, c'mon.
SH: Nah.
SW: Okay then.
SH: Just don't come back too late. I have to be at SubHubFriend's at 5.30.
SW: Isn't he like half hour away?
SH: Well, he's giving a class on Passover and would be glad if I came.
SW: So let me get this straight (no pun intended). You are willing to walk half hour each way not to disappoint SHF, but not afraid to disappoint your wife and children by not going with us to the playground?
SH: SHF knows it's a one-time thing. With you, it's a bigger commitment - if I go once, I will have to go every time.
SW: Does SHF know it's a one-time affair? He might expect more and you'll have to decide between walking there weekly or breaking the man's heart.
SH: I didn't think of it this way.
SW: I see. Well, I am taking the baby with me, so you can leave any time. I don't want to stand in the way of your and SHF's happiness.
Happy to report that SubHub decided not to break any hearts and instead chose a nap, to nourish his well-established relationship with his pillows. The man gets around.
Friday, March 2, 2012
Why do you cry, baby?
What they see in school: DS is not doing his classwork, has a hard time memorizing alphabet and concentrating, is being disruptive at times...
This is what I hope they can see.
DS: Mom!!! Mom!!!! MOM!!!
SubWife: (rushing to DS) What happened?
DS: Mommy, baby is in the bathroom and is crying Go to her.
SW: She's with Daddy, I am sure she's okay.
DS: Mommy, she is crying, go to her, she wants you!
SW: How do you know?
DS: She always wants you when she cries. Go to her!
I oblige. I am also impressed. This is the same baby that rips up his projects, colors his school work and always seems to want the same toy DS took just a minute ago.
A few minutes later Baby emerges from the bathroom, with hair washed , which was the reason for crying.
DS rushes to her: Are you okay baby? Why did you cry?
He's still five years old. He's got a good heart. I just so hope that he keeps it this way and doesn't lose it. And I also hope that among his academic and behavioral difficulties, his teachers notice his big heart too.
This is what I hope they can see.
DS: Mom!!! Mom!!!! MOM!!!
SubWife: (rushing to DS) What happened?
DS: Mommy, baby is in the bathroom and is crying Go to her.
SW: She's with Daddy, I am sure she's okay.
DS: Mommy, she is crying, go to her, she wants you!
SW: How do you know?
DS: She always wants you when she cries. Go to her!
I oblige. I am also impressed. This is the same baby that rips up his projects, colors his school work and always seems to want the same toy DS took just a minute ago.
A few minutes later Baby emerges from the bathroom, with hair washed , which was the reason for crying.
DS rushes to her: Are you okay baby? Why did you cry?
He's still five years old. He's got a good heart. I just so hope that he keeps it this way and doesn't lose it. And I also hope that among his academic and behavioral difficulties, his teachers notice his big heart too.
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