Happy birthday to me!

I got a real birthday gift today, somewhat belated, but from a complete stranger. So it all kind of evens out. Ready? I was carded when trying to buy beer. I ran out without my purse and only had a credit card and old expired driver's permit on me. (Why I had an expired permit in the pocket of my coat is the whole different story not worth mentioning. Unless you click on the link.) I presented my expired ID to the check out girl, and she asked, "Do you have any other form of ID? This one is expired." To my, "But it's still me, same face, same name, and I can assure you that I did not become any younger simply because my ID expired!" she simply said that she couldn't accept that as proof of my age.

When I got back to the car and retold hubby the story, he laughed, for a rather long time might I add, at the thought that someone could have mistaken me for a 20 year old. Well, I still got the last laugh because he didn't get his beer.

10 Signs your husband is addicted to Home Depot

10. Your husband makes at least 4 trips a week to Home Depot, and he's not a contractor.

x 4

9. When asked why he goes there so often, your husband replies, "Sometimes you want to go where everybody knows your name..."



8. You got an electric drill for your birthday, partially because the first two SubFamily's drills were getting lonely and needed a sibling. Or so he said.



7. A full year after your Lake George vacation, SubHub your husband is still morning and kicking himself for not visiting the local Home Depot. Sometimes he contemplates the four-hour one way drive just to see the one that got away.

6. You have seriously discussed the possibility of direct depositing your paycheck to Home Depot's bank account.

5. Your children, ages 4 and 3, know all the tool names. You and any other normal human being refer to those as "thingy", штучка, загогулинка or simply хрень.

4. When you need to unwind, your husband enthusiastically offers to drive you to Home Depot and genuinely does not understand why this does not appeal to you.

So ***not*** you.

3. Your husband has lobbied your Congressman to add a certain plainer to an Endangered Tools List.

2. You have made a video of Home Depot isles. Upon showing it to him, your husband chokes up, throws himself at you and mumbles through manly tears that you have "never made him happier" and "you finally understand". Your husband then watches the aforementioned video over and over again for relaxation and meditation all the while wiping the aforementioned manly tears. You don't know how to respond because a) it was a gag gift, b) you bore this man three children and would hope that at least one of them made him happier, and c) frankly, you do NOT understand.



1. You overheard him muttering under his breath, "My name is SubHub and I am a Home Depot addict..."

Oops, you just outed them...

Look what I got for my birthday!

My birthday was in October. I didn't really know what I wanted: I didn't want jewelry, I didn't have time to read books and clothes/shoes I would buy anyway if I saw something I liked because liking something in my size doesn't happen too often. Then we went to Home Depot, and I saw a thing I wanted for a long, long time, and hubby wouldn't even consider getting it. No, not the new drill, or the power saw. I am not that kinda gal. What I wanted was the new shower head with extended cord, so that I could wash children's dirty bottoms without getting my head wet and/or without getting it the bathtub with them. Yes, I am a romantic at heart.

Since it was my birthday and he didn't get me anything, hubby acquiesced. I won! We picked out the best shower head we liked (by far not the cheapest), took it home, and it sat in our closet for the next two months. Finally, the nagging worked (yay!), and hubby installed it Friday morning a week ago. When I came from work, I was duly impressed, but that Friday afternoon was VERY hectic, and I ended up not taking a shower before Shabbat. (Don't tell me it never happened to you.) When I asked hubs how the new shower head worked, he said he hated it. The pressure was really low and he couldn't adjust the direction.

I told him that water pressure was very important to me, almost as much as hubby's happiness, so if he hated the shower head, then I didn't want it either. Without further ado, hubs took it off first thing Saturday night. I never even tried the darn thing. I went on line to find something better, and discovered that due to the Federally mandated filter, all of these shower heads had low pressure. The only solution was to find one that didn't glue the filter in as well as the one that we got.

Hubby didn't waste any time and the very next Monday headed to Home Depot, and came back with a new drill. He said that he actually saved money, because we were still $10 better off after the returning of the shower head. Whatever...he could've saved us much more money by not buying it, but I decided to not be picky. After all, he was kind of spending money already spent.

And then, about two days later, it hit me. That money was earmarked for my birthday present. I got a drill for my birthday!!! A drill!!! Me, that is all thumbs got a drill!!! Well, I know what he is getting for his birthday - a mink coat (shoot, can't afford), a purse, a skirt, a bra, pantyhose, and if all fails, tampons! Just something he cannot use!

P.S. I confronted hubby with this, and he said that he already saw the irony at the cash register and was surprised it took about a day and a half for it to hit me. I am usually much faster than way. So we are looking for alternative gifts now... Hopefully we will figure it out before his birthday; otherwise, plan A is still in effect.